Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The Hounds of Heaven


Being a child of the 60s I was always trying to fund a path to enlightenment. For years I tried drugs to ‘expand my mind,’ but that ended up being a waste of a decade or so. When I got high I’d either end up with hitting a ‘wall of fear’ or I’d run into the pit of despair. The wall of fear was strange because there was nothing I was afraid of. The fear was real right down to the goose bumps, but I could never find the cause. The despair was also strange. It had nothing to do with me. I felt like I could feel the despair of the world. It was like I was tuning in to people’s suffering all over the planet.

With all that effort I got no closer to God. I tried a few religions. Christianity was not one of them. It seemed to me that Christianity was about hypocrisy and narrow-mindedness. The Christians I had met seemed to be out to convert me in order to get more notches on their belts. I figured if Heaven was where the Christians are, I’d go somewhere else.

I tried new age religions like Eckankar, but I really didn’t expect my soul to leave my body and fly about the planet. Why would I want to do that, anyway? I looked into Scientology, but that seemed to be just more science fiction. I looked at Budhism, but the idea of everything becoming one in the end didn't sound attractive. I like being an individual. I checked out what the Hari Krishnas believed. They thought I should leave behind my relationships and obligations and come into their monastery. I like their food and their art, but that was about it.

Then I was laid off at work for a few months and working part time. With my free time, I started thinking about possibilities for the afterlife. I wondered if a person, like the writer of a book, might not be able to create their own eternity. The more I thought about this, the more I realized how little capacity I had to be creative enough if this was the case. Eternity is an awfully long time. If I had to rely on my own creative power, there would be nowhere near enough to fill this void. I’d last a week or two, and then lapse into eternal boredom. If I relied on the creative power of others, I would be subject to their whims. I realized that if I was left in eternity with only these choices, I was utterly and irrevocably lost.

I had walked around the perimeter of myself and saw myself lacking. An eternity alone is a thing to be feared.

At this same time I was getting to know my Christian landlady, Olive, better. My husband and I had rented a house from her one winter and she had done something very unexpected. My part time job was with a realtor and I heard the agents talking about what a shame it was that a couple was going to lose a deal on a house because they couldn’t come up with a down payment. I heard the realtor say the house was $10,000. That got my attention. I asked about the house and went to see it. My husband told me to buy it if I liked it and I did. We gave the first couple some money for their trouble and bought their contract from them.

The house needed a new roof badly and was starting to deteriorate. I told the Olive we would move out when we could come up with the money to fix the roof. To my surprise, she offered to lend me the money. Who would think a landlady would lend a tenant money to move out? We made an arrangement and I paid the Olive back at $100 a month over four months. This meant going to her house to pay her back. During these visits she would answer my questions and I learned about Christianity from the believer’s perspective rather than from the media or the Christianeze.

The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light: they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined. – Isa. 9:2


Sunday, December 7, 2008

Born Again





I always knew God loved me. I think most people do on some level. I didn’t think there was a way to find out about more about Him though. How could a person know which religion was right? Then I rented a house from a woman named Olive and she had answers to all my questions.

Our conversations started because I found myself feeling guilty whenever I was around her and I didn’t know why. I’d replay our conversations in my head, but there was nothing she said that would make me feel guilty.

So I was curious. I knew she was a Christian and approachable. I knew all the arguments against Christianity, so I started asking her questions based on what I believed. She answered all of my questions using the Bible. I was amazed that the Bible had these answers. Olive told me that the Bible said I was a sinner. I figured I wasn’t any worse than anyone else I knew, so I had a hard time believing that. I prayed with her, and in my prayer I asked God to show me whether or not the things the Bible said were true. I wanted to know.

A year went by and it was an amazing year. The Lord intervened over and over again in my life. I’ll write more on that later.

On New Years Eve, 1977, as I was reading a pamphlet on prophecy by Tim LaHaye, I found myself disagreeing with him and the way he was using the Scriptures. I was searching my Bible to verify what he wrote and suddenly, like a door opened, I recognized God’s voice in there.

Have you ever had a letter from someone you love? Then you know what I mean. You don’t have to see the signature on the letter, because you recognize the voice of the person through what they write. The God I knew since I was a child wrote the Bible, I recognized that. I recognized the Master’s voice in His Word.

It was New Years Eve, 1977, then it was New Years 1978. I didn’t notice when midnight came. But that night my whole world had become new.

And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful. – Rev 21:5