Matriculation

I read in a commentary that graduation for the Christian comes when he or she no longer fears death.

One night I had a strange dream. I was walking up the isle of an outdoor stadium. There was no one around but a women with a hood who was running towards me. When she got to me, she stabbed me with a knife. Instead of waking up, I thought, “I knew something special was going to happen today!” I remembered the dream the next morning. I realized that I had slept though my own death and that I felt no fear. I had matriculated.

…that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil; And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage. -Hbr 2:15

Be Anxious for Nothing

In 1980 I started a small public accounting business. At this time I had a toddler and a baby on the way, so I wanted a job where I could work from home. In 1980 I took out a small business loan and bought an Apple II+ and accounting software. I had learned accounting by writing accounting programs at work. I would use the computer and the software to help small businesses with their bookkeeping.

After I was divorced the Lord was faithful to use this business to keep me afloat financially for 20 years, until my children were grown. I don’t know for sure, but I think is rare to find a single mom that doesn’t have to work outside of the home. I have never met another.

I only worked about 80 hours a month and I didn’t earn much, but the Lord always saw to it that I had enough. Truly my shoes didn’t wear out in the desert. Also my car never broke down, and I was never late with my bills. I never had extra, but I don’t believe the Lord wants me to have extra. Even today, if I find I have extra money, I know a bill is coming. Just last month, three times people offered me money. Sure enough I had a big repair bill. The Lord took care of it.

One thing that was difficult as a single mother with two young children is that there was no one to remember my birthday; no one, that is, except the Lord. In those years I never celebrated a birthday without a gift. They came from unexpected places. One I remember clearly is receiving a new pair of shoes as a gift from someone in the church who had no idea it was my birthday. I needed a nice pair for work and the Lord remembered. Some years the gifts were simpler. The kids made me gifts without even realizing it was my birthday. Then there was the special issue of Newsweek, but I will talk about that later.

What I learned was not to trust money. I was the only accountant I knew that didn’t believe in money. In my experience, money comes from the Lord and goes as the Lord intends it. I am just a steward. I don’t have to worry about the future or about a rainy day. The Lord will take care of rainy days and my future.

Now that I am older, I have plenty on my balance sheet; but I know this can change tomorrow. If I lose it all, I pray that it wouldn’t ruin my day. Through decades I have learned that the Lord is my provision. My true treasures are beyond the reach of this world’s economic system.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. -Phl 4:6

White Room

I was saved in 1978, my husband was not. With salvation came a knowledge of my sins and I could see the damage I had done to my marriage. I set about being the best wife I could. Two years later my husband told me he didn’t know if he still wanted to be married to me. He said that I would always want him to become a Christian and he did not want God to control his life. He said he had one life and he wanted to be in charge of it himself. He felt I would always want him to change. Two years after that (four years after I was saved) he divorced me.

The first few years after my divorce were difficult. That is when I discovered what I call “the White Room.” When I felt really down I pictured myself curled up in a small white room. A strange thing happened in that place. As I sat still and waited, God spoke to my heart. At first it was just in words, but then He began to write on the walls – in color. Then the walls became more and more vibrant. Eventually I realized that the inside of this room was bigger than the world outside. So whenever I felt down, I knew where I could go. I could count on God to meet me in the White Room.

… we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. -Rom 5: 3-5

Fellowship

Finding a church was difficult. I visited several in the two years after the Lord saved me. One I had dismissed early, but later returned to. The church met after the manner that I was looking for. It had an open worship meeting where the men were invited to share and everyone could suggest hymns. The church had elders and deacons, but no one designated as pastor. (The problem with the first meeting was that I heard women gossiping and figured I wouldn't fit in. After visiting several other churches, I realized that this was still the best church for me and I could avoid the gossips.)

I was reminded of the old saying. It would not be possible to find the perfect church if it had me in it. In the end, I wanted a place where I could minister to the saints in my own way. This Bible Chapel was the one.

Having been newly divorced I was feeling lonely. I prayed to find friends and the next time I went to church I overheard some women talking about needing a place for a Bible study. I had a house with a big living room, so I offered it. This answer to prayer was the beginning of a fellowship of single women that has continued for over 25 years. I think of this as my ‘air and water’ group. They are all very precious to me and I wish I could spend more time with them.

And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment. – 1 Jo 3:23

Giving up smoking

I needed to quit smoking. I had tried a few times, without success. This time I had a new baby and she coughed at my smoke. I asked God to help me. Within a week I had a cough that was so bad I couldn’t walk up a flight of stairs. I couldn’t smoke even if I wanted to. After a week of going without a cigarette, I realized I could go another week. I never smoked cigarettes again. The Lord delivered me from an expensive, unhealthy, smelly habit.

Being an old hippy, I had been smoking marijuana for over ten years. I couldn’t imagine ever giving that up. But, after becoming a Christian, getting ‘high’ became a different experience too. I was not going to give it up just because I was a Christian. That seemed a bit legalistic – to give it up in my own strength. I prayed and the Lord changed me from the heart. Instead of enjoying it, I felt like it got in my way. I wanted to think clearly. It felt like being mentally impaired. Being ‘high’ was actually a lower state of mind once I became a new creation in Christ. I didn’t have to give up smoking pot. I just didn’t have a desire to do that anymore.

… put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts and be renewed in the spirit of your mind; and that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. Eph 4:21-24

Truth from the Prophet Haggai

As a new Christian I wanted to meet with other Christians, so I joined Women's Bible Study Fellowship for a study on the minor prophets of the Old Testament.

The format of the meeting was to have a speaker first, then to meet as a group to answer questions based on Bible readings. During one of the meetings, the speaker said that all Christians should question whether they are really saved or not. I pondered over that and then prayed about it. I didn’t think about it again, but that night when I was doing the Bible study it came back to me. We were studying Habakkuk and I was having a problem.

I was working on the Bible study question about a verse in Habakkuk. I looked at the verse, but the question didn’t make sense. It didn’t seem to fit the verse. I looked up to see that I was reading the book of Haggai, not Habakkuk. They are close to each other in that section of the Old Testament. No wonder the question made no sense. So I turned to the book of Habakkuk and tried again. Still the verse and the question did not match. Then I realized I was reading Haggai again. A third time I turned to Habakkuk. It happened again. I thought this was strange and that perhaps the Lord had something to tell me in Haggai.

I looked down and read the verse below. It was the answer to my prayer:

I will make you like my signet ring, for I have chosen you, declares the Lord Almighty. - Haggai 2:23,

New Life

So much changed in the first few months after my salvation. I felt like the world had changed, but I knew it was me. I realized I was a sojourner on Earth and that it wasn’t my home. My politics changed. I was a registered democrat, but I realized that the government was not likely to solve the world’s problems. No – I didn’t go so far as to register Republican, but man’s idealism wasn’t going to be translated into reality. That’s probably a good thing to remember in these hard economic times.

I forgave my father. The funny thing was that I didn’t know I held anything against him. But I thought about his life and realized how life had shaped his personality, including how he behaved toward his family. I cried for him and loved him deeply from that day on. He was saved on his deathbed, but I will get to that story later.

I saw my new body in a vision. It was great – a dancing fountain of light ranging from silver to dark blue. This might not be true – I am not sure where my visions came from back then, but it appeals to me. The occasional visions I had became a source of concern to me though. How did I know where they were coming from? The solution was simple. I prayed that the Lord would filter them so that only visions from Him would come through. This worked. From that point on the only vision I had, with few exceptions, were of crosses. I’ve seen hundreds of them over the years, but I’ve never seen the same one twice.

I drove past a bulletin board that proclaimed “I found it!” I knew there were others experiencing the same thing as me. I didn’t find a church though. I tried a few, but their teaching didn’t line up with what I was reading in the scriptures. I guess I was born-again contentious. I did find Women’s Bible Study Fellowship and learned more about the scriptures. It was nice to have women to study with. More on that next week.

Behold, all things become new – 2 Cr. 5:17